This post has been a very long time in coming.

I read 50 Shades of Grey, and I have never laughed so hard in my life. On one hand, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I anticipated. On the other, I wanted to throw it against a wall. From all the hype, I expected some horrible piece of filth that would rot my brain the instant I opened the book.

Not what I got.

So what did I get, you ask?  Twilight. With sex.

Yes, the editor should have been slapped repeatedly for letting the stupid things get through that did.  Yes, there are horrible, awful grammatical mistakes. Yes, there are repetitive phrases that throw me completely out of the story and make me want to throw the book across the room. Yes, I wholeheartedly believe that half the sex is physically impossible.

Do I think it’s deserving of the back-handed beat-down it’s getting?

Not at all.

I think it needed more time to cook. The editors should have done a much better job. I also believe it could have shifted a little farther away from the Twilight Fan Fiction arena. And some extra non-drama plot might have helped it be a better story overall. But overall, kudos to Ms. James for hitting it big with the next thing people want to read.

Did I buy the book for myself? No. I borrowed it from a friend. Mainly because I’m one of those starving artist types. [I’d plug my own books here, but that would be wrong.  However, if you want to buy them that’s awesome by me.]

So let’s talk about the sex… it was hot. Oh, boy was it hot. Even if some of it was physically impossible.  That bathroom thing? Really? First BJ ever and you’re going to (a) not drown in the tub, (b) have no gag reflex, and (c) do it completely right?

Bullshit.

Yeah, some people have that massive kink factor about them too.  Sorry, kids…I’m not one of them. I enjoy a good bit of kink every now and then in my reading, but the logistics of hardcore BDSM (which I’ve heard from members of that community this is not…or not entirely right) hold no real appeal to me. I’m too damn stubborn to be submissive and I laugh too easily to be dominant.

But for these people… if it works for them, more power to them.

And can I just say that the whole contract negotiation thing could have been wrapped up with a simple yes or no?  True, I really enjoyed the email discussion about it, but still… a little on the overkill side for my taste.

All of that having been said…

I give it:

“A” for effort
“B” for creativity
“C” for logistical planning
“F” for grammar, phrasing and word choice.

Overall if I had to give it one of those five-whatever ratings, 50 Shades would be a 3 for me.  Quick and mostly enjoyable read, even if I did feel compelled to toss the book a few times.

Now the big question – will I be reading the other two?  Probably not. Not because I think they’re awful… because they just aren’t my cup of tea.